My first car was a little red Jetta. It had one of those crank sunroofs and I
thought it was awesome. Unfortunately,
it also had a few problems. It was
pretty terrible on snow, the muffler had been installed wrong and would
randomly pop loose creating a horrible rattling under my car as I drove, (it
got to the point that my mechanic would be waiting for me outside the garage
with a new piece because he could hear me coming from a mile away) the air
conditioning was less than reliable, and my dad was not a fan. Mostly because I am incapable of making
decisions regarding vehicles and so every time something went wrong he had to
deal with it. So, one day he brought me
to Poly Conoco to look at this little black Mazda 626 that was “just a great
little car.” Sadly, the little Jetta
went away and I began to get to know the Mazda.
My little Mazda has been beyond faithful. She moved me from Montana to Denver in
2004. For two years she carried me all
over the city and surrounding mountains as well as multiple trips back and
forth from Denver to Montana. When
suddenly in 2006 I had the whim to move to Alaska, I crammed what I could fit
into the backseat and trunk and she carried me from Denver up the
Alcan to Anchorage.
For three year that poor little car endured Alaskan life for
my sake. She bravely took on the snow
and cold and, until the final winter, faithfully started every morning,
regardless of how cold it was. She
carried me up and down the Kenai Peninsula and back and forth to Denali. My students always recognized me driving
around town due to a tragic run in with a snow shovel that left her an “AZDA”
rather than a MAZDA. I always thought it
was interesting that this was the identifying factor, not the big, round, pink,
BOOB CHECK sticker on the bumper.
And then in 2009, she once more allowed me to pack all my
belongings inside and drove me from Anchorage to Haines, took the ferry from
Haines to Bellingham (and nearly made it to Bellingham without me [see my post
regarding Ketchikan]), and drove me from Bellingham to Murfreesboro. She has faithfully endured the grueling heat
of Tennessee and many, many road trips through Tennessee, Georgia and North
Carolina.
Today, I posted her on Craigslist. It has gotten to the point that too many
little things are going wrong, and like I said, I am not capable of making the decisions necessary to keep her running. Though I can handle most things in my life, decisions about my car send me over the edge. I have an
hour commute three days a week and I need a car that doesn’t make me worry with
every little noise. Sadly, she is no
longer that car. I’ve been surprised by
how nostalgic it has made me. I have a perfectly serviceable car that I get to
use for the next few months. It does
everything I ask of it and with much greater efficiency. But, it’s not my car yet. We’re still
getting to know one another. It doesn’t
have a sunroof, my Alaska plates, or a BOOB CHECK sticker. Every time I drive into my complex and see
the little black Mazda sitting there I feel a little sad and guilty and that
surprises me, because regardless of how much I may personify her, she’s just a
car.
I’ve been examining this feeling over the course of the last
couple weeks and I’ve realized it isn’t really the car (it never is, is it?)
but the period of my life that little car represents. For the last 8 years, she’s been my constant
companion and, really, the most consistent thing in my life. Every move and change and bump in the road
has been shared by that little car.
She’s heard lots of laughter and many radio karaoke sessions. She’s heard me vent my frustrations and cry
many tears. There’s been a lot of life lived
over those four wheels and I’m so grateful to that little car for all the
adventures.
In a lot of ways, I’m not surprised that it is time for her
to move on. She has actually been the
signal in my life many times that changes are coming. Many times when I have been procrastinating a
decision that needed to be made or avoiding a change that was imminent,
something would happen with my car and I would be propelled into
decision-making mode. I am again nearing a crossroads with many decisions and there are many changes happening
and I can’t avoid them. Once again, my
car has pushed me into the mode of forward thinking. This time, by the time I make the decisions
she will most likely be with another family.
Sigh. Yet another indication of
how great the changes will be. I’m ready
for change this time. I’m tired of school
and living this weird in-between-life. It's time for the next phase of the journey. I'm getting more and more excited to see what comes next. But no matter how ready I am for the change and how great the future may
be, I reserve the right to cry when she drives away. Goodbye little “AZDA.”
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| A trip to the Jack Daniel's Distillery with Brandy and my rebellious Alaska plates. |
