Most of my time was spent in Bozeman with my cousins and friends. My cousin Ely came from California and her sister Emily came from Texas with her spitfire of a daughter, Cadence. We were all able to stay at my cousin’s house on the farm where my grandparent’s lived all the years I was growing up. It was a fun time of being together. Sleeping in, cooking meals, doing dishes, drinking coffee, sledding, long walks in the snow, swimming at Chico Hot Springs, wrestling with Cadence, eating the best French fries on the planet at Ale Works, snuggling up with a movie while the snow falls outside the window, cuddling jetlagged kiddos, and just generally enjoying the holidays and each other. It was restful and energizing and just so homey.
It was so close to the Bozeman winters I remember from childhood, but one significant piece was lacking. I was unprepared for the new reality that Bozeman presented. Throughout last year I think I mistakenly held this belief that at some point there would be an end to the sadness of the year, that once I passed a certain milestone or day on the calendar, everything would be ok again. Unfortunately death doesn’t work that way. There is no end to this. Todd will always be gone and Bozeman will never be the same. It is a new reality and one that will take some getting used to. And just like removing a gumball from a full machine, when one piece is removed, all the others shift to find their equilibrium. There’s a lot of shifting going on, and like all change, it’s painful.
It was an untraditional holiday, but it was good. I’ve never been stuck in traditions with holidays and I’m glad that’s the case. Christmas is a celebration of life more abundant and finding that abundant life requires change. I said on New Year’s Eve that my resolution was to have more fun this year. As I’ve thought through it since then, I realized that’s not really what I meant, though that’s certainly part of it. In reality, it’s about fully embracing this life that I’ve chosen rather than simply getting through. There’s life to live here and fun to be had. I’m looking forward to discovering it. So, who wants to come discover it with me?
